am actually happy today 4 once... i never knew being sick could be such a blessing.

while im at home with now, wrapped up in a doona sitting at this computer typing everyone else from my skool is outside in the cold running around like idiots @ the athletics carnival.

hahahahahahahahahahaha idiots!

now dont get me wrong the athletics carnivals at my skool r pretty good, but id still prefer to be where i am now with (practically) non existent cramps (they still hurt a bit) , a running nose and a major cold.

im actually happier than what ive been in about 2 months.... quite scary really. but i can bet im just high on the fact that i dont have to go to skool.

however ryan, the lucky bastard doesnt have to go anyway coz he isnt sick and just because theres no way he can get there as his mum and dad work long hours and his bus comes too late.

annnnd you can bet that ill end up talking to him and by the end of the day the rest of my year and joshes year.

thank god for optus.

unfortunately im supposed to be studying right now i have a history assesment due... tomorrow i think and im supposed to be memorising a text on colonisation and contact history that we were have supposed to have written and then go to class 2moro and re write it.

how absofuckingloutely stupid is that? i mean god, you write the dam thing then you have to go and write it again... i see no point.

im am getting so sick of my shitted up blog... i mean thanks to the people that read it but how it looks is... well really fucked up. i need to fix it up but i cant be bothered.

sorry this has gone for so long but im bored and theres nothing else to do really...........

just promise me that when you read this (or dont!) leave a comment and tell me how you think my blog should be and what i should have in it.

goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are 3 types of ppl in the world... people who can count and people who cant count

well, it does.

seriously. and right now i dont even know why im writing this coz i really dont have much to write about. except depressive stuff.

sorry people but maybe later hey????????

oh for chrissakes

when will anyone just respect me and love me for who i am??????????????????

what the fuck did i do to make the world hate me!!!!!!!!!!

somehow i dont think that my life could possibly get any worse.

and the main problem is... i dont know whats wrong with me. everyones been saying ive been withdrawing from everything coz i dont say that much anymore and i used to be loud and happy.....

champ thinks its about ryan...... but i dont know anymore. it might be... but something couldnt go that far just because of him.....

yesterday on the bus i found a seat by myself around the back of the bus and just sat there. with my head on my knees for 45 minutes. i didnt look up once until my friend got off one stop before me said cya. the only other time i looked up was just before i got off was my friend sammy who pulled my head off my knees and said "cmon, were getting off now" then she saw the look on my face and just grabbed my bag and helped me up without saying anything else. then and there i almost started crying my eyes out. i just sat there waiting for our 2nd bus staring at the ground while everyone else was chuckin stuff at each other

i hardly ever cry, even though im a girl, and girls are supposed to if they get emotional, and thats ok.

that night i ended helping sammy babysit her little sister and when she was in bed she asked me what was wrong today.

the floodgates opened and everything came pouring out and i didnt even know what i was saying sometimes....... i think it was stuff about ryan and cassie and how josh was acting and mel and tj..... snatches of it are coming back slowly ........ and how nothing ever goes right for me and why do people hate me so much and why shouldnt everyone be able to love and be loved in return... e.c.t.

god i feel so sorry for sam she just sat there while i talked and said nothing. she is such a good friend though.

and i dont know why i feel this way its doesnt seem right............

in the past 3 days ive been abused 2wice (verbally) ive been restrained once coz one of the people who i thought was my friend did something and i got too fucking worked up about it.

and dont think im writing this just because i want sympathy coz i dont. i just need a FUCKING OUTLET FOR ALL THIS ANGER... and sadness... and every other goddam fucking thing in my life.

not that anyone actually reads this anyway. lol.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh so bored. i want something to do. i was at raymond terrace all this morning from 8 and i got home about an hour ago.

does anyone have and suggestions on what i can do.... theres nothing realy to write about.... oh but i passed my maths test! thank god my parents wouldv chucked a spaz attack if i didnt pass this one coz then id be failing maths pretty much.. or at least it looks that way to me lol.

well there you go, i did have something to write about.

tell me if u have any suggestions coz otherwise im stuck finishingmy english speech and starting a music assignment

help?

heres what happened today... its kinda hard to explain and it might go on for a while but ill try lol.

6:30 wake up and get ready for skool

7:00 leave to go catch my 1st bus.

this guy who ive known forever is there at the bus stop waiting. i hate the bastard. just because he's better off than most of the people who go to my skool doesnt mean he has to lord it over us.

and no, i may go to a private skool, but dont ever expect to attend here and expect a perfect skool. WE CAN AND WILL PROVE YOU WRONG!

our skool is far worse than some of the other skools in the area. dont get me worng, great education and all that crap.. but the people.

i should shut up now.

anyway, i said id try not to make it that long. i think i lied. as i was saying, i was at the bus stop with this fucker and suddenly the other 4 people who go to my skool turn up. i start a conversation with nick and cam, and suddenly he comes in and starts calling my friend a bastard and all this crap.

thus, a fight starts, one of about 10 today lol.

anyway nothing much really hapened after this so ill just foward to skool

1st period religion. dont ask me i didnt choose this subject i cant get electives till next yr (fuck!) we ended up with last years science teacher coz my english/religion teacher is... well... i dont know. i ended up having a verbal war with him and ryan regarding sex and how shit women were treated e.c.t

2nd period 1st half double french my teacher doesnt turn up.... no other teacher comes to take us so our french class goes mental, i.e 2 people near having sex in the back of the classroom, people are throwing scissors, fighting with each other, singing.... e.c.t

i ended up sitting with ryan, chiken boy, jake daniel and alison listening to them having some disgusting conversation about sex and people. i joined in on some of it, then sort of slipped into my own thoughts, then screaming and nearly bashing ryan up because he was using me as a footrest and his foot would "slip".

recess... the usual food fighting and other stuff...... lol

double science. the sensitivity experiment. ended up sitting next as always. we were blindfolded then our partner had to gently touch our arm with 2 toothpicks and we had to determine... um... i didnt do that bit.

michael was using a comapss to do it to lewis and it was like.... can you feel it (touches lightly) now? (again) now???? and this time he raised it about 30 cm off lewis arm and stabbed it in (not to hard but it bled a little). needless to say lewis was swearing his head off. lol. hes alright though.

gary and i did ok. i ended up getting hit in the face by matt 2 times and once accidentally by gary. then after we were waiting to be allowed to leave and go to the other classroom gary tied mine and his arms together. that was funny, but u had to be there to c it.

4th period science we did some lung thing... they gaave us balloons. half our class (under informed pricks) thought they were condoms. my god. one lesson ill never forget.

english: my teacher didnt turn up coz she wasnt there so we had yet another lesson to do as we wished. somehow i dont think you want the details....

i had a good time though coz ryan and i spent the whole lesson talkin about the fags in our class. it ended up in a fight between ryan and james with me restraining ryan, nathan restraining james. nathan almost broke jameses kneecap.

6th period, french. our teacher turned up this time. dam.

the same thing happened as it did in the first lesson, but we actually did do work.

i owe jake a lap dance, thats according to ryan.bastard. lol

a few other things happened today, but its all a bit hard to explain. maybe later.

sorry this went for so long 

note to self: ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS FUCKING LEAVING THE SCHOOL! AND I CANT DO A DAM FUCKING THING TO STOP IT!

i got told and im sitting there thinkin oh bullshit ur joking but she was on the verge of tears, so i sat there comforting her for over an hour on friday.

actually this really makes it 2 but this one is irreversible and its happening way to soon... like this  FUCKING friday!

the news went around really fast... i got a very depressing phone call last nite from my friend (who isnt leavings) boyfriend asking me if i was goin to help him protest the fact that shes leaving.

i agreed, coz our group of friends, however big we are (in numbers) are really close and we tell each other anything.  

 oh fuck shes going to be missed so much. even garys going to be bawling his eyes out on mine and sammys shoulders, and us on his.

ITS JUST NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!

dont know why i put this post in humour.... bit stupid really.

hello all.

right now im supposed to be writing a speech for a compulsuary speaking competition. crap. i dont do public speaking so why should i humilliate myself?

the rules? endless. lol no actually it can be on ANY subject you want.

thats not good for our year. you give them free rights and.... well you wish you hadnt. you get ALOT of free opinions. nothing wrong with that but... well a riot broke out last year... lol.

i decided to do mine on High school: the animal kingdom. basically its an anology between high school and the animal kingdom. it describes all the groups, e.g. sluts, jocks.... e.c.t. and im gonna fuck it up so bad. lol

today was a pretty good day, better than yesterday i have to say that.

nothing really eventful happened today, for sport the soccer game we had was a bloodbath lol. i almost scored but the guy was a really good goalie. im happy with myself coz i actually played. lol.

the only bad thing was that this guy who i dont get along with coz ive known him my whole entire life said something that pushed me over the edge on the bus home. im lucky that josh was there to restrain me coz otherwise i would have smashed his face in.

not overly ladylike i know, but i had good reasons.

i dont really feel like writing that much more, then again i dont really have that much more to write.

note to self: never think that when you hit rock bottom that everything stops. NEVER. coz theres always going to be something (or someone) that will push you down even further.

note to self 2: you wish is the comback that works well with everything. most of the time... just make sure it makes sense first.

note to self 3: i do not appreciate being called a whore and other sick names. some i can tolerate, but not whore. its not true and those sick bastards can all get fucked. thank god for gary.  

note to self 4 do not bottle things up like you are now and let them all come flooding back into this blog. most people dont want to hear depressive, irreleva nt ramblings.  

Sarcasm is who i am. So i've sunk to the lowest form of wit, it doesnt really bother me. i just havent been in a good mood lately, hell ever!!!

No its not pms.

I know that my last few entries were a bit depressing, ok so very depressing LOL but i haven't exactly got the hang of what sort of things to put in here yet.

Somethings wrong, deep down inside i feel like im being ripped apart, and today didnt really make it any better. Things amuse me, sure, hell i have so much to laugh about and talk about but i feel out of it.

i want some time to sit down and talk about everything. everythings far too full on at the moment. school, friends, parents, sick people, best friends moving to where i will probably never see them again........

i think it might just be something im going through, a rut... god hope so anyway.

i have to agree with pretty much everything that NorbetX has been saying.

and one thing.. right now 

LOVE FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!!

once again, sorry for being so depressing.

i really should stop complaining. people dont want to here about it.

(there u are... happy now winnipeg????)

lol. just so you know.. im all better now.

not much happened today, i went to a friends place and we ended up riding into maitland. what a gripping life i do lead.

its a bit depressing coz the holidays are ending soon and i have to return back to school on tuesday. not good. another 3 terms with my english teacher who is a dragon lady with a permanent case of pms. she threatens to kill us by chopping our legs off and beating us to death with the soggy ends. my class didnt take it seriously, being our very... well... eclectic.. would eclectic be the right word... maybe dyfunctional. thats "didnt"... some of them are starting to think otherwise.

me? i sit there and laugh. u have to admire her talent. once or class gets past the sarcasm and the threats she might actually be a good teacher.  

my friend and i have a conspiracy about our english teacher. my friend is a conspiracy theorist.

in the last period of english we were having a debate about something (we= our class vs. our english teacher) when the topic switches to conspiracy theorists. our english teachers standing there laughing at them and making remarks about how funny she thinks they are, and how she thinks the stereotypical one is small and wears glasses and carries a laptop.. e.c.t.

by this time my friend is sitting there shaking with silent laughter...

if only our english teacher knew. lol.

u guys may not find that funny, but you dont know my english teacher.

sorry this went for so long.

Ugh. i feel like crap. i spent all last night vomiting and sneezing (not that you needed to know that) and i have a temperature 4 degrees over average. yuck.

why am i always the one who gets sick in my family? i mean, my parents have never had more than one cold in their entire lifetime, and my sister DEAR GOD ITS SO NOT FAIR! the last time she was sick (and the only time i can recall) was when she got food posioning from eating some dodgy food at newcastle show 5 years ago.

not much has happened today, after all it is only 11:50 in the morning. my mother left me home alone today. she left at 8:30. she didnt even say goodbye to me! although, thats the way i like it most of the time.

she left a note on the kitchen counter, saying:

be back around 5. dont call me, v. busy. panadols in the cupboard, drink lots of water and dont go on the internet. mum.

joy. that didnt stop me, im still on the internet.   

i should go. im absolutely buggered and i have nothing else to write about. what a waste of the day, its all sunny outside.     & nbsp; 

joy. i am overloaded by work.

i have so many fucking tests to study for it passed being funny more than one month ago.

u have got to hate the teachers at my school. one minute u have jak shit to do, the next u have 5 major assignments and 10 tests.

my day so far:

6:30:was woken by the neighbours fighting and yelling... again. this is never good.

8:00 after trying several times to drown myself in the shower, i finally face the realisation that even though its holidays right now, im going to get off my arse and start studying.

8:30 shit not good. definately not good. go into serious manic depressive mode with the amount of work i have to do.

9:30 start studying..... until

now: when i decide to stop and write a blog entry. it may not be overly interesting, but u get that sometimes.

am suffering a slight crisis over whether or not to continue on with boring ramblings, or wait.

wait. i can share my life with you later.

oh shit! i just realised that i have actually written a blog entry.... ooh thats scary. 

sorry for putting you through this. ill keep you posted (meaning i have no idea)

hey again...

if people wouldnt mind can i get some help or suggestions on what to put in this......... that and how u can get ur own blog to look as good as some of the ones ive seen please??????????????????? ??

thanx...................

3 hrs later and im still completely lost for words.

well, seeing as this is my second entry i may as well make it worthwhile. sad but worthwhile.

if you really think about it, i have a lot of things to write about, but none really seem right.

but there is just one person that i paticuarly hate right now and that is.....

jesse mcartney:

y do i seem to be one of the only ones besides my friend who hate this guy?

when you see him its like seeing aaron carter, meaning hes a gay fucker. the bleached hair,the dark eyebrows, the flirtatious smile that he thinks (and hopes) will find him a "chick" - meaning male prostitute.

well, that and he runs around singing about girls and beautiful souls, all a desperate cry for help in the sick twisted world we take residensy in.

sad, very sad.

well other than that i see no other important things that i need to write about so ill keep u poseted later.

once again, i sincerly apologise for putting you through this.

first of all i would like to say hello and a thankyou to all the people subjecting themselves to reading this. (my deepest sympathies)

well..... here it is my very first blog entry and i have absofreakinloutely nothin to write about.

i guess its just goin to have to stay this way until i finally figure out something to write about.

sorry for the inconvenience